Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Sweet Dreams

I had a rough day yesterday. The moms in the neighborhood have started a playgroup for the kids Boo’s age once-a-week. I got the invite two weeks ago and the time/day was Tuesdays at 10:30. I’ve been totally pumped for this weekly playtime. I sometimes feel quite isolated being a stay-at-home-mom. I miss my pals and having places to go and people to see, and not having to schedule personal calls around nap times, and trips to Baja Fresh to chat about our weekend plans, and just being able to GO when I feel like it. I’m getting off track here.

At 10:25 I packed up the kids and we walked over to the house where play group was being hosted. The mom answered the door and looked at me confused. I said, “Hi, did I get the time wrong for play group?” She said, “Oh, yeah, it was changed last week to 9:00 instead of 10:30. I’m sorry. We had a really fun time, though. You should come next week!” I smiled, but inside I had that feeling like I was the last one chosen for kick-ball. I actually started crying on the way home. What’s wrong with me?

Boo, sensing my sadness said, “Are you sad, Mommy? It’s okay, I love you.” I couldn’t tell her why I was crying, and I felt totally silly doing so. Perhaps it’s because I was really looking forward to making some friends and helping Boo to make some, too. It could have been that I just don’t seem to get out much to socialize, even in church (since I’m in the nursery the whole time or else up-front teaching). As a result, I cling to every enrichment night or book club meeting or play group/park day as a chance to talk with other people! Maybe it was the fact that I realize that besides reading, I really don’t have a hobby that I enjoy. All hobbies that seem fun take too much money or have a time commitment that I just can’t manage with two kids.

So, after spending a rough day feeling sorry for myself, I went to bed and had a marvelous dream. You were all in it! Train was cooking up an amazing meal, Onthego mom was waving to me on her bike, Heidi was barking orders at us that we were running late, and Shelese was even there as my dinner buddy, and she was going to do some dancing for us afterwards. (my dreams make NO sense). Heather and Lindsey made little vignette appearances - by the way, I loved your hair in my dream, Lindsey! Anyway, I woke up with the feeling that we had all hung out like the old days. It was marvelous. I woke up totally happy and content, determined to keep trying to make friends and search for a hobby that helps me feel engaged and happy. As Anne Shirley said, “Tomorrow is always fresh…”

Thanks for coming over for a visit last night, friends! I miss you.


Lindsey said...

sounds like a fun and accurate dream. haha.

i am having a similar problem at the moment (minus the stay-at-home mom part). the difference with me is that i have too many hobbies that i love and i make more time for those than i do for going and meeting new people. i am definitely getting better at saying..."no, that will have to wait for another day" and calling someone up to try to make plans - but i still revert back into my shell.

i know it's even harder when you have kids because then everyone you are trying to bond with has the same time problems as you and you have to work even harder to take time for yourself.


1. i am going to post a post for you today on my blog.

and 2. Lauren and Monkey and Adam and I are coming to visit in November! which this blog just reminded me of and made me pretty darn happy!

Onthego Family said...

Oh Ames, I know exactly how you feel. That's why I was so pumped when two ladies at Goose's preschool talked to me for 15 minutes yesterday. Only 15 minutes and I was jazzed all day long!

I hope next Tuesday at 9 am comes quickly for you -- and that you have some other fun things happen before then, also. Want to come over for lunch Friday?

P.S. How did you know I started riding again?

love.boxes said...

You know, that is such a natural part of the stage of life you're in with little ones.. but in a blink it will be gone. I know you really already know this, but just enjoy every minute. You are taking care of such important business right now in your life. :)

laurenthequeen said...

I'm right there with you!!! And can't tell you how excited I am to see you in November. It's a temporary fix, but I'm hopeful it will bolster me up for the next big adventure: Peanut's arrival.

With two jobs and Little Man, I get so overwhelmed and wonder where the time/days go between talking to another adult. Wil and I have started going on double dates with couples in the Ward and friends we haven't seen in a while. It definitely takes some planning (and budgeting) but it has made a big difference. I feel like I'm being social, getting to know new people and time out of the house. The added bonus is that Wil and I get some time too. We've also had friends over for dinner. It's more hectic and stressful to pull off, but usually has a similar result.

ps. You know I'm totally up for cooking dinner while I'm there!

Lindsey said...

lauren forgot to mention that she also has an amazing sister to spend time with...although she hasn't been taking advantage of that connection lately. ;)

lauren makes the best specialty burgers....i would take her up on her offer. :)

Amy said...

Linds - thanks for the blog. Maybe you could teach me how to crochet when you come visit?
Onthego - I must have been inspired about your bike-riding!
Loveboxes - thank you for the reminder. I love, love, love my kids. I'll blink and they'll be all grown up!
Train - great suggestion about the double dates/dinners. Oh, and I'll take you up on a dinner (burger night).
Thanks pals, Love you!

HRT said...

Amy - me? barking orders? Alright, ok, yeah, that sounds like me. Darn it.

Let's just make plans right this very minute to play. I am perfectly willing to drive to Bountiful so what about next Friday? I could leave after the Little Lady's nap at around 11am and then the kids could sleep on the way home in the car. What say you?! Email me!

Lin said...

lauren can crochet as well...with the two of us there you'll have more instruction than you'll know what to do with, i'm sure. haha.

Shelese said...

YaY!! I was in your dream!! there's nothing like a dinner buddy and a little dancing to cheer a lonely gal up :). I'm so glad I made it into your Friends Dream. I also loved and totally related to this post. I read it yesterday and got all teared up and couldn't think of the right words to make a comment. All these girls comments say it better anyway. I hope next tuesday (and your friday offers :) come soon for you, too.